JAIMIE'S SECRET SPIES: THE TV SERIES EPISODE 2:4 - "ENTER THE COWBOY" AIRDATE: 01/08/02 SCENE TWO END OF OPENING CREDITS EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT The parking lot is well lit and full of extremely expensive cars. A valet parking booth sits by the front entrance, manned by an young, red suited VALET. Soon, a giant red "Texas Cadillac" PICKUP TRUCK enters the lot. It emits a deep (and familiar) rumbling drone that seems to shake the very ground beneath it. The windows of the truck are so darkly tinted that it's impossible to make out the driver. The word "Lucille" is written in neat gold cursive script on the driver's side door. The valet steps from his booth to do his job, but the truck drives right past him. He vainly tries to stop it, while waving a CLAIM TICKET in the air. VALET Hey! Wait! Sir! Uh... Ma'am! An arm sticks out of the sunroof of the truck and waves the young man back to his booth. COWBOY ZYDECO [V.O.] S'alright, son! I got it! The truck continues past the flustered valet and on into the parking lot. For lack of a better course of action, the valet runs after it. Soon, the vehicle's driver finds a slot at the end of a row, and kills the engine. The valet, huffing and puffing, runs up to the driver's side and attempts to open the door. To his amazement, his hand passes right through the door handle. As he again attempts to open the phantom door, Cowboy Zydeco climbs out of the sun roof, and jumps nimbly to the ground. Cowboy Zydeco appears to have dressed for the occasion. He's clean shaven, for a change, and wears a stylish black suit with gleaming black cowboy boots. Around his neck is a western STRING TIE (a bola tie), with a silver and turquoise slide. He takes a moment to straighten his lapels, check his shirt cuffs, and brush a fleck of lint from his sleeve. The valet, clearly out of his element, lamely offers Cowboy a claim ticket. VALET Sir... Uh... We would have parked that for you... Cowboy Zydeco amiably claps the young man on the shoulder, and tips him a couple of bucks for his trouble. He ignores the claim ticket. COWBOY ZYDECO S'okay, son. Nobody drives Lucille but me. Cowboy Zydeco steps past the flustered valet, and heads toward the entrance to the restaurant. The valet looks at the claim ticket, looks at the tip, shrugs, and heads back to his booth. He gives "Lucille" a wide berth as he passes. INT. LOBBY OF FANCY RESTAURANT The restaurant is elegant and expensively decorated. Tasteful paintings and statuettes grace the walls. Large plants in ornate pots rest in the corners, rustling gently in the air conditioning. A MAITRE D' stands at his post by the entrance, resplendent and haughty in his flawless tuxedo. Cowboy Zydeco enters. MAITRE D' [Snooty] Good evening... Sir. May I help you? COWBOY ZYDECO Evenin'. I think I see 'em. Thanks! Cowboy cranes his neck to see over the maitre d's shoulder, and attempts to enter the restaurant proper. The maitre d' places a hand on Cowboy's chest to stop him from passing. Cowboy Zydeco looks down at the offending hand, first with incomprehension, then anger. Unconsciously, he reaches for his hip, where is six-gun would normally reside. Then, he apparently remembers he's unarmed for the occasion, and clenches his fist in an obvious effort at self-control. The Maitre D' appears completely unphased. MAITRE D' Excuse me... Sir. COWBOY ZYDECO [Through Clenched Teeth] Yeah? MAITRE D' We have a dress code at this establishment. COWBOY ZYDECO And? MAITRE D' A coat and TIE are required... Sir. Cowboy Zydeco grabs his bola tie and lifts it to show to the maitre d'. As far as Cowboy is concerned, the man is obviously either blind or an idiot. COWBOY ZYDECO Well, whadda' ya' call THIS? MAITRE D' That, sir? I would call THAT "a string." Cowboy Zydeco stares at the maitre d'. His jaw drops slightly. He's shocked into speechlessness by the maitre d's lack of culture and style. And in such a fine restaurant, too! INT. - FANCY RESTAURANT The main restaurant is even more opulent than the lobby. Huge, glittering chandeliers hang from the ceiling, casting a soft glow on the diners below. Nearly every table is full of patrons, all dressed in their finest suits and gowns, obviously the creme' de la creme' of society (at least, as far as they're concerned). Cowboy Zydeco enters, scowling. In place of his snazzy string tie, he is wearing a more conventional, but completely AWFUL TIE. It is electric green with wide diagonal orange stripes, and ends several inches above Cowboy's navel. As Cowboy threads his way through the maze of diners and finery, he passes a table occupied by two people: an obvious JERK in an expensive tailor-made suit, and a bleach-blonde BIMBO in a red sequined gown. JERK Hey, man! Niiice tie! The bimbo giggles and snorts inanely. Cowboy scowls even more deeply, if that is possible, and again reaches for his missing six-gun. He stares daggers at the jerk, but says nothing as he continues towards his table in the corner. [INT. TABLE IN THE CORNER] The large table is in a secluded corner of the restaurant, partially concealed behind a potted palm and a gold painted plaster replica of the Venus de Milo. Several other members of the JSS team are already seated around the table. [Describe other members present. -ed.] It's apparent they've been here for a while, as they've already been served drinks and brittle breadsticks. Cowboy Zydeco finally makes his way to the table. He nods a greeting to the other occupants of the table. He's embarrassed, but trying desparately to hide it. At the far side of the table is a LAPTOP COMPUTER. It is equipped with a small video camera, placed such that all of the occupants of the table are all in view. The screen currently displays the familiar JSS logo. A voice comes from the computer's speakers. JAIMIE [FILTER] good evening, cowboy! i trust you had no trouble finding the place? it seemed like a nice change of pace. Cowboy Zydeco rips off the horrible tie. To add insult to injury, it's a clip-on! He looks at it like it's a three-days-dead mackerel, and then jams it in his suit pocket. COWBOY ZYDECO Nex' time, I pick thuh ron-day-vous point! Everyone laughs fondly at his antics- that wacky Cowboy Zydeco! Cowboy finds a seat for himself, and reaches for a breadstick. Then, everyone gets down to business. [The JSS logo disappears from the screen, to be replaced by a smooth multimedia presentation of photographs and schematics. As Jaimie (by remote) describes each member's role in the upcoming mission, we see brief glimpses of the agent in question, looking competent and self-assured. Occasionally, a Secret Spy interrupts to ask an intelligent question regarding his or her area of expertise. Soon, the briefing comes to an end, and the JSS logo returns to the screen. The Secret Spies look concerned, but confident, as they look to the laptop for final instructions. Insert mission specifics. -ed.] INT. - JAIMIE'S DEN We don't get to see the room for long, but we can tell right away that the owner has class. That, and a lot of money. A cheery fireplace burns brightly in the far wall. In front of the fire, we see the a comfortable-looking leather chair and footstool. A SECOND LAPTOP, with a live picture of the restaurant on it's screen, rests on a small table to one side. All we can see of the chair's occupant is the back of her head (dyed bright blue), the hand operating the laptop (clad with simple but expensive-looking jewelry), and a single bare foot. Said foot is being massaged by a dark, handsome LATIN MAN, sitting on the footstool. He has long, unruly hair, and wears a white silk shirt. The shirt is unbuttoned to reveal an almost impossibly muscular chest. The man looks as if he would be quite at home on the cover of a steamy romance novel. He gazes adoringly at the occupant of the chair as he works. Ah, but who could call such bliss "work?" JAIMIE good luck, secret spies! and enjoy the dinner! because tomorrow, it's back to business as usual. From the laptop, the appreciative laughter of the JSS team is heard. Complex, dangerous missions are always "business as usual." The woman in the chair closes the laptop, and reaches for the Latin man instead. He kneads the foot in his strong, tanned hands for a moment more. Then he stands and approaches her, with a rakish grin on his face. Jaimie's laughter can be heard as we... CUT TO COMMERCIAL